Life as an unpopular housewife

I wake up everyday at 5:30 AM to my husbands alarm clock. I would like to say that is when i wake up and start my day off with a healthy breakfast and a good workout. But sadly i go straight back to bed.  what can i say? I'm 19! I wake up at 10:30 AM EVERYDAY! and i take a long bath. watch some music videos. eat some food. I do a load of laundry and wash a few dishes. but thats really as good as i get right now. I dont have that many friends here yet so I'm alone everyday. who else is going to encourage me to clean house? my husband? HAHA! yeah right.

But....... I want to be better. I want to get up by 8:30 everyday. I want to fit breakfast and a workout in. and I want to clean house for my husband. I am choosing not to have a job or go to school right now. which means I'm choosing to be a good house wife.

There is so reason for anyone to live this way once they are married. So starting next week I'm starting a new cleaning schedule, a new workout plan, and a new diet plan. I'm not a kid anymore and i have to stop acting like it.

GaGa

I am seriously tired of being judged for loving Lady GaGa. She is my inspiration! there is a reason for it too. As a christian some of her music i choose not to listen to because it gives me that sick feeling. but there are plenty of songs by her that i adore! She stands for the people that have no one to stand up for them. In school i was one of those weird kids. i did my hair funny and i dressed weird and i acted weird. And her music inspires me to just not care what people think about me. She also survived an eating disorder and horrible relationships. She is a powerful woman and i respect her.  Sometimes i feel like im borderline insane. and her music makes me feel like i can let that part out and not just hold in everything. like i dont have to wear a mask. So im sorry if listening to Lady GaGa makes me a bad person. but i dont care. I'm not gonna stop. Her words mean something strong to me.

"I'm your biggest fan 
I'll follow you until you love me 
Papa-paparazzi"

"I’m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way"

"I'm gonna marry the night
I won't give up on my life
I'm a warrior queen
Live passionately tonight"

"Don’t be insecure if your heart is pure
You’re still good to me if you’re a bad kid baby
Don’t be insecure if your heart is pure
You’re still good to me if you’re a bad kid baby
A bad kid baby"

"I just want to be free, I just want to be me
And I want lots of friends that invite me to their parties
Don't wanna change, and I don't wanna be ashamed
I'm the spirit of my hair, it's all the glory that I bare"

"We can be strong, we can be strong
Out on this lonely road, on the road to love
We can be strong, we can be strong
Follow that unicorn on the road to love"

"It's hard to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous
I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you
Where we can both fall far in love"

life doesn't seem fair sometimes...

For years I've seen girls in high school getting pregnant. or young women getting pregnant not being married. And I've never felt so strongly towards it. It upsets me sometimes. Some of these girls aren't even trying to avoid pregnancy and they cant even support themselves much less a child.  It makes me sad. I understand sometimes accidents happen. But at the same time.. they could try harder to not get pregnant. And if you cant try harder then DON'T HAVE SEX! there is a reason for God wanting us to be married before having sex. don't question it.

Everyday i get on Facebook and i see someone is pregnant. They either rush to marry the guy that got them pregnant. (good intention but bad idea which will probably end in divorce), they break up with the person, or they stay with the person in an on and off relationship. If the man that got you pregnant treated you badly or ever cheated on you.. break up with him! don't stay with him! definitely don't marry him!

Also, if someone is going to help you support your children and they are good people. LET THEM! but don't use them. appreciate them and abide by the rules they have because they are helping keep your child and you healthy!

It really makes me mad. I want so badly to have a baby but everyone else who cant take care of themselves or their child is having kids.

ok. I'm done.

Ups and Downs

Ive been in Japan for almost 2 months now and it is pretty legit. I LOVE IT! Back home I HATED public transportation. I am one of those people that is loud and crazy with her own personal group of friends. i don't like being around other people. I suffer from a social anxiety. Which is odd cause here I'm totally ok with public transportation. i would probably even be ok taking the train by myself. But i wont do that cause its dangerous. lol.

The point is this place has changed me. it has given me a new chance to be who i couldn't bring myself to be back home. I even cut my hair two weeks after getting here! 6 inches GONE! It's different being the odd one out. People do stare often. Especially on the trains. And it can be so frustrating trying to buy something when you don't speak the same language.

But i still absolutely love it here! the weekends are great! the weekdays are kinda lame though. While joey works i spend all day home alone then when he gets home we eat dinner watch some tv and he goes to bed and I'm up alone again. i don't have many friends here yet and no one to hang out with since most the people i do know work or have kids.

I miss home a lot. I miss my parents, my best friend, and of course my kitties. It sucks at night when i wake up expecting dolly to be curled up on top of me when in fact shes thousands of miles away. the 15 hour time difference doesn't help either. its super hard to talk to anyone back home unless they get up early or stay up late.

So ya i love it here. but I'm also ready for three years to be over with so i can go home. =p

My body is tired but my mind is wide awake

I've been in bed for 7 hours awake while my dear husband sleep soundly next to me. I so envy him right now. But I'm stuck thinking of nearly everything imaginable! Family, friends, love, lost love, death, faith, babies, just everything!! The list can go on and on and on! I've decided I'm insane. But I've also come to the conclusion the insane is actually the norm for this world we live in. Insane people aren't just a bit messed up in the head. They think differently. They are the complete opposite of offering. They are exciting outgoing creative artistic people! Insanity at its finest is a wonderful saying that I think is just beautiful!! Cause it's describing something or someone that is so remarkably different. Something to think about from my late night thoughts. ;)