A year ago when me and Joey decided to start trying to get pregnant we were unbelievably excited. One of the things we have always talked about is how we are gonna raise our kids and the things we are going to do with them and how incredibly amazing it would be! The best thing that could have ever happened was getting pregnant so quickly! However, we didn't get to celebrate for very long. Not even a week after finding out we were pregnant we miscarried. Our baby was MAYBE 5 weeks old. We didn't know the gender which will probably always upset me. I tell myself "I could heal if I just knew if it was a boy or a girl so i could just call our baby by name." That's the worst part I think. The fact that i wanted this baby so much, but it was too soon to know hardly anything about him/her.
September was supposed to be when our baby was due. So last month was kind of a hard month. Especially since so many of my friends are pregnant and the list just keeps getting bigger. It's hard to think about them all having their babies when I was pregnant first and my baby should be here in my arms right now.
The only thing worse than miscarrying is trying so hard for another baby and constantly failing. This month I was even having multiple pregnancy symptoms! I was so completely sure I had to be pregnant. Sadly not the case. It is a constant slap in the face.
We've only been trying for a year, but it feels like 5 years. Maybe I want it too much haha if that can even be possible. I calculate everything, I take my temperature, I take the supplements, and I do almost everything I can do to get pregnant but it is just not happening.
I wonder if this is just God testing my patience. I am trying so hard to just trust in him. But i think that is extremely difficult when you want something so bad. I have to continue to pray about this and try to keep myself together and stay so hopeful. At this point I'm brought to my knees. I either want God to give me a baby or just give me peace.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Going With the Flow
Sometimes i just sit back and wonder how in the world this all happened. This was not an easy transformation. Things went wrong, people didn't agree on everything, friends were lost, tragedy happened... My dad would always say "well thats life" and it would make me so mad! Looking back on it I know i was just hostile from the stress and he is absolutely right. This is life! the horrible times and rough transformations are what make life the thing its meant to be. It's meant to be a struggle.
Today is me and joeys dating anniversary. 2 years and 9 months ago we started on this incredible journey. He was an atheist. I was a Christian that had fallen away from the path God wanted me to do.We were both broke. I was jobless and he worked at Hot Topic but lost his job a month or two after we started dating. It was then that he dropped the military bomb on me. I was not ok with the idea but it was clear that this would be our best decision if we wanted to have a family together.
We've both grown so much from everything that has happened these past couple years. Ive quit smoking. Joeys quitting smoking. Joey's a Christian and We've both grown in our relationships with God. I'm trying to be the best wife i can be while Joey works for the Air Force. I clean house and try to keep a budget. I have fun just watching movies and drinking a glass of wine with him. we still game and hang out with people but its not like it was before we got married. It's just kinda crazy that we're in Japan being adults. haha I never wanted to grow up and here i am enjoying it for the most part. I didnt ever expect to move out of the same town as my parents till i was 25.
Obviously things dont go according to MY plan. I think this was probably the biggest test God could have given me. not only am i terrified of flying but i know nothing about military life. and hes stranded me smack dab in the middle of all of it. Anyone who says God doesnt have a sense of humor is flat out lying. I guarantee hes getting a good laugh at me daily. I know i would be! lol He is a funny God and i love that hes put me and Joey here. Its been life changing.
I keep reminding myself to just go with the flow and let God do his thing. No matter what happens it is happening for a reason and God knows what hes doing. =D
Today is me and joeys dating anniversary. 2 years and 9 months ago we started on this incredible journey. He was an atheist. I was a Christian that had fallen away from the path God wanted me to do.We were both broke. I was jobless and he worked at Hot Topic but lost his job a month or two after we started dating. It was then that he dropped the military bomb on me. I was not ok with the idea but it was clear that this would be our best decision if we wanted to have a family together.
We've both grown so much from everything that has happened these past couple years. Ive quit smoking. Joeys quitting smoking. Joey's a Christian and We've both grown in our relationships with God. I'm trying to be the best wife i can be while Joey works for the Air Force. I clean house and try to keep a budget. I have fun just watching movies and drinking a glass of wine with him. we still game and hang out with people but its not like it was before we got married. It's just kinda crazy that we're in Japan being adults. haha I never wanted to grow up and here i am enjoying it for the most part. I didnt ever expect to move out of the same town as my parents till i was 25.
Obviously things dont go according to MY plan. I think this was probably the biggest test God could have given me. not only am i terrified of flying but i know nothing about military life. and hes stranded me smack dab in the middle of all of it. Anyone who says God doesnt have a sense of humor is flat out lying. I guarantee hes getting a good laugh at me daily. I know i would be! lol He is a funny God and i love that hes put me and Joey here. Its been life changing.
I keep reminding myself to just go with the flow and let God do his thing. No matter what happens it is happening for a reason and God knows what hes doing. =D
Monday, August 13, 2012
catching up on life
It's been a while since I've written anything. This past month has been completely insane. let me catch you up... if anyone even reads these blogs. lol
Ive been sick all month with kidney infections. Which means I've been lazy and the house wasn't clean for a month. I am finally better.. I think. So the house is back to being clean and I'm having to catch back up on life. I'm back at the gym and back at trying to get this house in shape.
Joey's FINALLY back on the day shift thank you Lord! we have a life again! no more weird sleep schedules and having to go without sleep just to hang out with friends. That had to be the longest 4 months of my life. It was horrid.
My dear soulmate, Alison, is pregnant! along with about 30 more of my friends and aquaintances. Im 100% ok with my close friends being pregnant. but to see nothing but pregnancy posts on facebook from like 30 people starts becoming a slap in the face. I was pregnant before any of them and i wanted a baby. but instead now im not pregnant and i get to watch them grow and be happy. It's kinda hard sometimes. But i know God does everything for a reason. Im struggling but I am trying to constantly remind myself that He knows what He's doing. Also along with Alison 2 other girls that were my bridesmaids are pregnant. so 3 of my bridesmaids are pregnant and all due in the same week. pretty cool cause if we visit we get to see so many new babies!!
I'm also thinking of checking myself into therapy or something. Being away from home and wanting a baby and everything is really starting to get to me. Some days im happy and some days I am way too emotional for my own good. lol
Life in Japan can be hard especially in the military. I've seen marriages start to fall apart. and I've seen the worst in some people. It really makes me thankful for the relationships I have with God and my husband.
Ive been sick all month with kidney infections. Which means I've been lazy and the house wasn't clean for a month. I am finally better.. I think. So the house is back to being clean and I'm having to catch back up on life. I'm back at the gym and back at trying to get this house in shape.
Joey's FINALLY back on the day shift thank you Lord! we have a life again! no more weird sleep schedules and having to go without sleep just to hang out with friends. That had to be the longest 4 months of my life. It was horrid.
My dear soulmate, Alison, is pregnant! along with about 30 more of my friends and aquaintances. Im 100% ok with my close friends being pregnant. but to see nothing but pregnancy posts on facebook from like 30 people starts becoming a slap in the face. I was pregnant before any of them and i wanted a baby. but instead now im not pregnant and i get to watch them grow and be happy. It's kinda hard sometimes. But i know God does everything for a reason. Im struggling but I am trying to constantly remind myself that He knows what He's doing. Also along with Alison 2 other girls that were my bridesmaids are pregnant. so 3 of my bridesmaids are pregnant and all due in the same week. pretty cool cause if we visit we get to see so many new babies!!
I'm also thinking of checking myself into therapy or something. Being away from home and wanting a baby and everything is really starting to get to me. Some days im happy and some days I am way too emotional for my own good. lol
Life in Japan can be hard especially in the military. I've seen marriages start to fall apart. and I've seen the worst in some people. It really makes me thankful for the relationships I have with God and my husband.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
New stuffs =]
ok there are a few new things happening in my life that I haven't kept you up to date on.
1.
I've decided to become a beautiful muscular fitness model! jk. but I am working out everyday at the gym and taking some minor supplements. not in any way shape or form getting huge muscles though. haha Going to the gym has been a new experience for me. i never went to the gym back home cause i would just work out from home or go running around the neighborhood. Lately me and two friends have been going everyday! Well... almost everyday. We take the occasional day off. It has been such a cool thing for me though! If i were going by myself to the gym I wouldn't have lasted more than a week. its just easier to workout from home. but thanks to the girls I'm going with we are able to keep each other accountable. and we share the same goals!!!
2.
We got a freakin hedgehog! hes about 4 months old and is such a nuisance! I still love him though. He's pretty adorable. We are trying to litter train him right now which is super hard. hes stubborn. I've been peed and pooped on a few times... and he likes to bite sometimes. He is getting better though. haha and we finally got him to swim in his bath!! hes a good little swimmer =] Oh! and his name is Sonic of course!
3.
We are broke. buying Sonic really took a lot. He was in a terrible environment though so we HAD to get him. lol soooo we are surviving on Ramen and taco bell. SOOOO UNHEALTHY! i hate it. but we cant afford anything else until we get paid. On the bright side we have spent a lot of time at home being a couple... playing video games. ha!
4.
I'm buying a new camera and MIGHT start putting videos on youtube about military life in japan. lol might be super boring. not sure. we'll see =p
and thats it! You're up to date. Now i gotta go get ready to go to the gym!!!!! woo!!!!
1.
I've decided to become a beautiful muscular fitness model! jk. but I am working out everyday at the gym and taking some minor supplements. not in any way shape or form getting huge muscles though. haha Going to the gym has been a new experience for me. i never went to the gym back home cause i would just work out from home or go running around the neighborhood. Lately me and two friends have been going everyday! Well... almost everyday. We take the occasional day off. It has been such a cool thing for me though! If i were going by myself to the gym I wouldn't have lasted more than a week. its just easier to workout from home. but thanks to the girls I'm going with we are able to keep each other accountable. and we share the same goals!!!
2.
We got a freakin hedgehog! hes about 4 months old and is such a nuisance! I still love him though. He's pretty adorable. We are trying to litter train him right now which is super hard. hes stubborn. I've been peed and pooped on a few times... and he likes to bite sometimes. He is getting better though. haha and we finally got him to swim in his bath!! hes a good little swimmer =] Oh! and his name is Sonic of course!
3.
We are broke. buying Sonic really took a lot. He was in a terrible environment though so we HAD to get him. lol soooo we are surviving on Ramen and taco bell. SOOOO UNHEALTHY! i hate it. but we cant afford anything else until we get paid. On the bright side we have spent a lot of time at home being a couple... playing video games. ha!
4.
I'm buying a new camera and MIGHT start putting videos on youtube about military life in japan. lol might be super boring. not sure. we'll see =p
and thats it! You're up to date. Now i gotta go get ready to go to the gym!!!!! woo!!!!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
old cries for help resurface
Last night i was laying awake in bed for hours. I was thinking of my past in high school and everything i went through. it was such a horrible time. and i ended up actually writing a poem. i haven't written anything in a couple years so this really helped me a lot.
I lie awake in my bed
Remembering all the past and what you had said
When the tears and blood dripped to the ground
I searched for you but you were never around
To feel the rush, the energy, the high
They think it's cool but I still run and hide
They show me the scars while i hide my pain
After years of this they have no shame
I lied and cheated, I was addicted to the rush
The rush they chase simply out of lust
We sacrificed everything for a nonsense game
They know who I am but not my name
These roads are filled with blood and sorrow
I said I'd look for hope "starting tomorrow"
I lied and cheated, I was addicted to the rush
But still all i needed was a little push.
I lie awake in my bed
Remembering all the past and what you had said
When the tears and blood dripped to the ground
I searched for you but you were never around
To feel the rush, the energy, the high
They think it's cool but I still run and hide
They show me the scars while i hide my pain
After years of this they have no shame
I lied and cheated, I was addicted to the rush
The rush they chase simply out of lust
We sacrificed everything for a nonsense game
They know who I am but not my name
These roads are filled with blood and sorrow
I said I'd look for hope "starting tomorrow"
I lied and cheated, I was addicted to the rush
But still all i needed was a little push.
Friday, May 4, 2012
What day is it again??
Joey started a new shift at work this week. he works Wednesday and Thursday nights 11pm-7am and Friday-Sunday nights midnight to noon. I have a hard time sleeping alone so unfortunately i haven't gotten much sleep. I got to bed around 7 am and get up at noon to try to get ready and catch the bus to go run errands. I cant drive yet cause we haven't been able to go pick up my new license so it is just really frustrating. We also don't know exactly when to eat. It is just sooooo annoying. they didn't give joey a break either. he switched over to the night shift in one day. It's not good. hes having to rely on energy drinks to keep him awake and it makes me so sad to see.
On the bright side! ... I'm able to actually have time to clean the house more at night which is good. and I'm able to do online shopping for things in the home.
but it still sucks. and i don't like not knowing what day it is. ugh.
On the bright side! ... I'm able to actually have time to clean the house more at night which is good. and I'm able to do online shopping for things in the home.
but it still sucks. and i don't like not knowing what day it is. ugh.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Imma get all flexible and skinny =p
SOOOO as of lately I've been working out again. My leg has finally healed. well mostly i think lol. So I'm finally able to get with Insanity!! I'm also doing a couple other workouts which include weighted jump ropes. and YOGA!!!!!
Now i know everyones like "But you're already so skinny!!!" well. ya im small. but i have fat. my thighs are HUGE. like too big for my size. and i have what looks like a super beer belly but i dont drink beer. haha. so i want it gone. i used to have rock hard abs. i want them back.
My routines have been awesome. I get up at 915 to workout then i take a long bubble bath. and by noon im cleaning house! i am able to get in shape and keep my house clean and i feel great about it!!
My one problem is getting healthy eating habits. passing on junk food is not the issue for me. The problem i have is i can sometimes be borderline eating disorder. or maybe full on have an eating disorder. idk. lol I'll get so much into the mindset of losing weight and not eating junk that if we dont have any healthy food in the house i just wont eat. So I'm really working on that. i try to keep protein bars in the house at all times for when we run out of food.
But hey. im really trying this time. trying not to go without eating and trying to keep to a good workout schedule.
Now i know everyones like "But you're already so skinny!!!" well. ya im small. but i have fat. my thighs are HUGE. like too big for my size. and i have what looks like a super beer belly but i dont drink beer. haha. so i want it gone. i used to have rock hard abs. i want them back.
My routines have been awesome. I get up at 915 to workout then i take a long bubble bath. and by noon im cleaning house! i am able to get in shape and keep my house clean and i feel great about it!!
My one problem is getting healthy eating habits. passing on junk food is not the issue for me. The problem i have is i can sometimes be borderline eating disorder. or maybe full on have an eating disorder. idk. lol I'll get so much into the mindset of losing weight and not eating junk that if we dont have any healthy food in the house i just wont eat. So I'm really working on that. i try to keep protein bars in the house at all times for when we run out of food.
But hey. im really trying this time. trying not to go without eating and trying to keep to a good workout schedule.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I totally got this ;)
So as you know I've been working on getting my house together. cleaning it, organizing it, making it look all pretty. well... I DID IT! I made up a daily list of chores to do and I actually got it all done and I'm continuing to do it! The house looks amazing! Plus, I'm turning one of the spare bedrooms into my fashion room!! I am painting all the furniture I collect and will finally have a place to create new clothes from old clothes. I am so excited!!!!!
In other news.. I now know how to knit. lol! I'm such a cute housewife sometimes. But seriously. I decided to learn how to knit so I can make scarves and gloves and hats and all that jazz to raise money for me and Joey to be able to go to Zambia in 2013. I really pray that all this will work out. I miss my Zambian friends sooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!
so ya.. life is getting better. its actually starting to look up =]
In other news.. I now know how to knit. lol! I'm such a cute housewife sometimes. But seriously. I decided to learn how to knit so I can make scarves and gloves and hats and all that jazz to raise money for me and Joey to be able to go to Zambia in 2013. I really pray that all this will work out. I miss my Zambian friends sooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!
so ya.. life is getting better. its actually starting to look up =]
Monday, March 26, 2012
Life as an unpopular housewife
I wake up everyday at 5:30 AM to my husbands alarm clock. I would like to say that is when i wake up and start my day off with a healthy breakfast and a good workout. But sadly i go straight back to bed. what can i say? I'm 19! I wake up at 10:30 AM EVERYDAY! and i take a long bath. watch some music videos. eat some food. I do a load of laundry and wash a few dishes. but thats really as good as i get right now. I dont have that many friends here yet so I'm alone everyday. who else is going to encourage me to clean house? my husband? HAHA! yeah right.
But....... I want to be better. I want to get up by 8:30 everyday. I want to fit breakfast and a workout in. and I want to clean house for my husband. I am choosing not to have a job or go to school right now. which means I'm choosing to be a good house wife.
There is so reason for anyone to live this way once they are married. So starting next week I'm starting a new cleaning schedule, a new workout plan, and a new diet plan. I'm not a kid anymore and i have to stop acting like it.
But....... I want to be better. I want to get up by 8:30 everyday. I want to fit breakfast and a workout in. and I want to clean house for my husband. I am choosing not to have a job or go to school right now. which means I'm choosing to be a good house wife.
There is so reason for anyone to live this way once they are married. So starting next week I'm starting a new cleaning schedule, a new workout plan, and a new diet plan. I'm not a kid anymore and i have to stop acting like it.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
GaGa
I am seriously tired of being judged for loving Lady GaGa. She is my inspiration! there is a reason for it too. As a christian some of her music i choose not to listen to because it gives me that sick feeling. but there are plenty of songs by her that i adore! She stands for the people that have no one to stand up for them. In school i was one of those weird kids. i did my hair funny and i dressed weird and i acted weird. And her music inspires me to just not care what people think about me. She also survived an eating disorder and horrible relationships. She is a powerful woman and i respect her. Sometimes i feel like im borderline insane. and her music makes me feel like i can let that part out and not just hold in everything. like i dont have to wear a mask. So im sorry if listening to Lady GaGa makes me a bad person. but i dont care. I'm not gonna stop. Her words mean something strong to me.
"I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi"
"I’m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way"
"I'm gonna marry the night
I won't give up on my life
I'm a warrior queen
Live passionately tonight"
"Don’t be insecure if your heart is pure
You’re still good to me if you’re a bad kid baby
Don’t be insecure if your heart is pure
You’re still good to me if you’re a bad kid baby
A bad kid baby"
"I just want to be free, I just want to be me
And I want lots of friends that invite me to their parties
Don't wanna change, and I don't wanna be ashamed
I'm the spirit of my hair, it's all the glory that I bare"
"We can be strong, we can be strong
Out on this lonely road, on the road to love
We can be strong, we can be strong
Follow that unicorn on the road to love"
"It's hard to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous
I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you
Where we can both fall far in love"
"I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi"
"I’m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way"
"I'm gonna marry the night
I won't give up on my life
I'm a warrior queen
Live passionately tonight"
"Don’t be insecure if your heart is pure
You’re still good to me if you’re a bad kid baby
Don’t be insecure if your heart is pure
You’re still good to me if you’re a bad kid baby
A bad kid baby"
"I just want to be free, I just want to be me
And I want lots of friends that invite me to their parties
Don't wanna change, and I don't wanna be ashamed
I'm the spirit of my hair, it's all the glory that I bare"
"We can be strong, we can be strong
Out on this lonely road, on the road to love
We can be strong, we can be strong
Follow that unicorn on the road to love"
"It's hard to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous
I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you
Where we can both fall far in love"
Sunday, March 4, 2012
life doesn't seem fair sometimes...
For years I've seen girls in high school getting pregnant. or young women getting pregnant not being married. And I've never felt so strongly towards it. It upsets me sometimes. Some of these girls aren't even trying to avoid pregnancy and they cant even support themselves much less a child. It makes me sad. I understand sometimes accidents happen. But at the same time.. they could try harder to not get pregnant. And if you cant try harder then DON'T HAVE SEX! there is a reason for God wanting us to be married before having sex. don't question it.
Everyday i get on Facebook and i see someone is pregnant. They either rush to marry the guy that got them pregnant. (good intention but bad idea which will probably end in divorce), they break up with the person, or they stay with the person in an on and off relationship. If the man that got you pregnant treated you badly or ever cheated on you.. break up with him! don't stay with him! definitely don't marry him!
Also, if someone is going to help you support your children and they are good people. LET THEM! but don't use them. appreciate them and abide by the rules they have because they are helping keep your child and you healthy!
It really makes me mad. I want so badly to have a baby but everyone else who cant take care of themselves or their child is having kids.
ok. I'm done.
Everyday i get on Facebook and i see someone is pregnant. They either rush to marry the guy that got them pregnant. (good intention but bad idea which will probably end in divorce), they break up with the person, or they stay with the person in an on and off relationship. If the man that got you pregnant treated you badly or ever cheated on you.. break up with him! don't stay with him! definitely don't marry him!
Also, if someone is going to help you support your children and they are good people. LET THEM! but don't use them. appreciate them and abide by the rules they have because they are helping keep your child and you healthy!
It really makes me mad. I want so badly to have a baby but everyone else who cant take care of themselves or their child is having kids.
ok. I'm done.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Ups and Downs
Ive been in Japan for almost 2 months now and it is pretty legit. I LOVE IT! Back home I HATED public transportation. I am one of those people that is loud and crazy with her own personal group of friends. i don't like being around other people. I suffer from a social anxiety. Which is odd cause here I'm totally ok with public transportation. i would probably even be ok taking the train by myself. But i wont do that cause its dangerous. lol.
The point is this place has changed me. it has given me a new chance to be who i couldn't bring myself to be back home. I even cut my hair two weeks after getting here! 6 inches GONE! It's different being the odd one out. People do stare often. Especially on the trains. And it can be so frustrating trying to buy something when you don't speak the same language.
But i still absolutely love it here! the weekends are great! the weekdays are kinda lame though. While joey works i spend all day home alone then when he gets home we eat dinner watch some tv and he goes to bed and I'm up alone again. i don't have many friends here yet and no one to hang out with since most the people i do know work or have kids.
I miss home a lot. I miss my parents, my best friend, and of course my kitties. It sucks at night when i wake up expecting dolly to be curled up on top of me when in fact shes thousands of miles away. the 15 hour time difference doesn't help either. its super hard to talk to anyone back home unless they get up early or stay up late.
So ya i love it here. but I'm also ready for three years to be over with so i can go home. =p
The point is this place has changed me. it has given me a new chance to be who i couldn't bring myself to be back home. I even cut my hair two weeks after getting here! 6 inches GONE! It's different being the odd one out. People do stare often. Especially on the trains. And it can be so frustrating trying to buy something when you don't speak the same language.
But i still absolutely love it here! the weekends are great! the weekdays are kinda lame though. While joey works i spend all day home alone then when he gets home we eat dinner watch some tv and he goes to bed and I'm up alone again. i don't have many friends here yet and no one to hang out with since most the people i do know work or have kids.
I miss home a lot. I miss my parents, my best friend, and of course my kitties. It sucks at night when i wake up expecting dolly to be curled up on top of me when in fact shes thousands of miles away. the 15 hour time difference doesn't help either. its super hard to talk to anyone back home unless they get up early or stay up late.
So ya i love it here. but I'm also ready for three years to be over with so i can go home. =p
Friday, March 2, 2012
My body is tired but my mind is wide awake
I've been in bed for 7 hours awake while my dear husband sleep soundly next to me. I so envy him right now. But I'm stuck thinking of nearly everything imaginable! Family, friends, love, lost love, death, faith, babies, just everything!! The list can go on and on and on! I've decided I'm insane. But I've also come to the conclusion the insane is actually the norm for this world we live in. Insane people aren't just a bit messed up in the head. They think differently. They are the complete opposite of offering. They are exciting outgoing creative artistic people! Insanity at its finest is a wonderful saying that I think is just beautiful!! Cause it's describing something or someone that is so remarkably different. Something to think about from my late night thoughts. ;)
Monday, February 27, 2012
Learning how to live
Since me and Joey are "newlyweds" we don't know much about living on our own. We've been learning day by day on our own. Not having your parents just a phone call away is hard. The time difference is 15 hours so getting help from anyone in the states is difficult. Currently we have two leaky sinks and a messy house that NEEDS cleaned. when we moved in two weeks ago we had a leaky sink, the cable didn't work, and the dryer was broken. We still have no trash cans so we have trash bags tied up everywhere. I feel like a noob! haha.
We are figuring everything out though. we are saving money for when we get pregnant. and we are also buying new things for the house every week. We still don't have a car so we have a big duffle bag and take the one and only bus on base everywhere. The one major struggle I am having is doing everything at the house alone. the trash, the dishes, the laundry, cleaning the rooms, cooking dinner. I'm doing everything. because joey works all day and then goes to bed early.
It's so different for me to spend everyday alone doing chores. Back home i would spend the mornings and occasional nights doing chores and then i spent the days with my friends (mostly just Alison ha). Here i don't have many friends. I haven't actually hung out with anyone yet either. nearly everyone Ive met has kids or works.
life of the new military spouse i guess.
We are figuring everything out though. we are saving money for when we get pregnant. and we are also buying new things for the house every week. We still don't have a car so we have a big duffle bag and take the one and only bus on base everywhere. The one major struggle I am having is doing everything at the house alone. the trash, the dishes, the laundry, cleaning the rooms, cooking dinner. I'm doing everything. because joey works all day and then goes to bed early.
It's so different for me to spend everyday alone doing chores. Back home i would spend the mornings and occasional nights doing chores and then i spent the days with my friends (mostly just Alison ha). Here i don't have many friends. I haven't actually hung out with anyone yet either. nearly everyone Ive met has kids or works.
life of the new military spouse i guess.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Copaface
On 4-26-2011 my boyfriend (now husband) left for basic military training for the Air Force. It was what i thought to be the hardest 2 months of my life. Just two weeks before he had left he was baptized which made it even harder to let him go. Those weeks flew by though and before i knew it he was at tech school and I was driving 12 hours to Texas to go visit him. Everyone knew he was going to propose. I was already planning the wedding so he had to! So that first trip to Texas marked one of many. I was officially planning a wedding in 5 months from two different states while driving back and forth almost weekly and getting ready for a move to Japan. I felt CRAZY!
We knew we would have to get married legally before our wedding ceremony in order to finish all the paperwork for overseas clearance. I was staying at my Mema's house whenever visiting Joey so she helped out a lot with everything. Her pastor actually came to her house and we got married right there in her living room! It was a very cool moment for me. I got married on 9-23-2011 in the same living room i remember having Christmas in as a child and playing silly games with my cousins in. It was so nice to just relax from everything. It was like escaping from reality. i hung out with my cousins that i rarely got to see growing up. i spent time with my grandparents. and i was married to the man of my dreams! The only way it could have been any better is if more of my family was there. I know it made my mom and dad sad not being able to be there.
The wedding day was planned for December 10th and Joey graduated on the first. We were cutting it close because the paperwork had yet to go through. I came home from Texas for one day to get my hair done and for my best friend to throw me a party then the day after she came with me to go back to pick Joey up. We made it home by the 8th. THE DAY BEFORE THE REHEARSAL! I will never ever ever recommend cutting plans that close. I am highly surprised i didn't have a heart attack. Me, my mom and my best friend were in constant panic mode. which i guess is what a wedding does to you haha.
The night before the wedding i had a few of my bridesmaids stay the night at my house. We could not sleep! we were up talking almost all night about pregnancy because we were trying to have a baby. We didn't tell many people but its what we wanted. I truly wanted my mother to be able to see me pregnant before i moved to Japan. no matter if i showed or not. So finally just to shut my bridesmaids up i took a test. Jokingly i looked at them and said "Oh my gosh guys!" and i hadn't even looked at the test. so dumb. Then i looked at them. and i got butterflies. they didn't believe me until they saw it. We immediately told my mom and she was too tired and stressed to truly react. she made up for it the next morning when we told my dad the news as well. It was a good day.
Ever since i can remember Ive always dreamed of getting married young and having kids. i love kids. I don't care about partying or being newlyweds. I want a family. i want to raise a child. My brother and sister-in-law got married when i was 9. i grew up watching them. I wanted a love like their love. and when they had my beautiful niece, Lucy, i saw how my sis-in-law was with her. I knew that was what God meant for every mother to be like.
When I met Joey We talked about what kind of parents we wanted to be. He joined the Air Force so we could start a family. So after he got to tech school we talked about when we would want to start having children. The thought of my family and my best friend never being able to be apart of my first pregnancy really upset me. But we agreed if God wanted me to be pregnant then I would get pregnant. it was as simple as that.
after we found out about the pregnancy we were over joyed. it seems so unreal. that news on my wedding day was amazing. There was one thing that broke my heart though. My brother and sis-in-law had been having an extremely hard time. they had been wanting to have another baby but couldn't get pregnant. Nothing seemed harder than keeping this news from them the entire day of the wedding. I didn't want to upset them before the wedding. i didn't want to stress them out. So i decided to tell them directly afterwards. and i broke down. I felt like i betrayed them. i know i didn't but i felt like i did. it is a terrible terrible feeling telling the people that inspired you and taught you so much about what it truly is to be a parent that your pregnant right after they find out they aren't when they have been trying for so long. They said they were ok and it would be a good thing. But i still felt terrible. After we talked i prayed and decided i didn't need to be upset anymore. It was my wedding weekend and i was having a little me!
A couple days after the wedding I had to take Joey back to Texas. My dad came with us which was amazing since i felt like i couldn't drive anymore. We dropped Joey off and the entire drive i was having some painful stomach cramps. I texted my sister-in-law and after a while of talking she advised me to go to the ER to be checked out for a possible miscarriage. I knew that the miscarriage was possible ever since i had woke up that morning. it made me sick to think about. I woke my dad up and told him and of course he freaked out like and father should but i made him stay at my Memas house. and i made him promise not to tell her because i did not want her worried up all night over me. there is nothing to worry about. whatever happens is what God wants. there's no need for people to lose sleep or stress out.
After meeting up with Joey at the hospital they took some blood and we waited for 3 hours for them to run some more tests. But they never ran the tests because they had their answer. I did have a mis carriage which was no big deal to them since i was "only 5 or 6 weeks pregnant." we left the hospital and i cried and cried and cried. i acted ok around everyone else. i guess that's just how Ive always been. I started reading a bible plan on faith. and i decided i wouldn't dwell on my loss but i would use it to glorify God's name. Everything does happen for a reason. and maybe my miscarriage happened to bring me closer to God or to test my faith. But i know whatever the reason, if i didn't have my faith i wouldn't be ok.
The tattoo on my arm says "By faith in Christ you are in direct relationship with God. Galatians 3:26."
Just this past year seems like it has been the hardest time of my life. But i know for a fact i would still be stuck feeling so sorry for myself if it wasn't for God.
I was up for hours laying in bed tonight thinking "why me?" when i should have been saying "thank you" because someday things will work out. not in my time. but in his time. and he has blessed me even through the hard times.
In regards to the title, A copaface is a mask. this is me taking my mask off. Thank you for reading <3
We knew we would have to get married legally before our wedding ceremony in order to finish all the paperwork for overseas clearance. I was staying at my Mema's house whenever visiting Joey so she helped out a lot with everything. Her pastor actually came to her house and we got married right there in her living room! It was a very cool moment for me. I got married on 9-23-2011 in the same living room i remember having Christmas in as a child and playing silly games with my cousins in. It was so nice to just relax from everything. It was like escaping from reality. i hung out with my cousins that i rarely got to see growing up. i spent time with my grandparents. and i was married to the man of my dreams! The only way it could have been any better is if more of my family was there. I know it made my mom and dad sad not being able to be there.
The wedding day was planned for December 10th and Joey graduated on the first. We were cutting it close because the paperwork had yet to go through. I came home from Texas for one day to get my hair done and for my best friend to throw me a party then the day after she came with me to go back to pick Joey up. We made it home by the 8th. THE DAY BEFORE THE REHEARSAL! I will never ever ever recommend cutting plans that close. I am highly surprised i didn't have a heart attack. Me, my mom and my best friend were in constant panic mode. which i guess is what a wedding does to you haha.
The night before the wedding i had a few of my bridesmaids stay the night at my house. We could not sleep! we were up talking almost all night about pregnancy because we were trying to have a baby. We didn't tell many people but its what we wanted. I truly wanted my mother to be able to see me pregnant before i moved to Japan. no matter if i showed or not. So finally just to shut my bridesmaids up i took a test. Jokingly i looked at them and said "Oh my gosh guys!" and i hadn't even looked at the test. so dumb. Then i looked at them. and i got butterflies. they didn't believe me until they saw it. We immediately told my mom and she was too tired and stressed to truly react. she made up for it the next morning when we told my dad the news as well. It was a good day.
Ever since i can remember Ive always dreamed of getting married young and having kids. i love kids. I don't care about partying or being newlyweds. I want a family. i want to raise a child. My brother and sister-in-law got married when i was 9. i grew up watching them. I wanted a love like their love. and when they had my beautiful niece, Lucy, i saw how my sis-in-law was with her. I knew that was what God meant for every mother to be like.
When I met Joey We talked about what kind of parents we wanted to be. He joined the Air Force so we could start a family. So after he got to tech school we talked about when we would want to start having children. The thought of my family and my best friend never being able to be apart of my first pregnancy really upset me. But we agreed if God wanted me to be pregnant then I would get pregnant. it was as simple as that.
after we found out about the pregnancy we were over joyed. it seems so unreal. that news on my wedding day was amazing. There was one thing that broke my heart though. My brother and sis-in-law had been having an extremely hard time. they had been wanting to have another baby but couldn't get pregnant. Nothing seemed harder than keeping this news from them the entire day of the wedding. I didn't want to upset them before the wedding. i didn't want to stress them out. So i decided to tell them directly afterwards. and i broke down. I felt like i betrayed them. i know i didn't but i felt like i did. it is a terrible terrible feeling telling the people that inspired you and taught you so much about what it truly is to be a parent that your pregnant right after they find out they aren't when they have been trying for so long. They said they were ok and it would be a good thing. But i still felt terrible. After we talked i prayed and decided i didn't need to be upset anymore. It was my wedding weekend and i was having a little me!
A couple days after the wedding I had to take Joey back to Texas. My dad came with us which was amazing since i felt like i couldn't drive anymore. We dropped Joey off and the entire drive i was having some painful stomach cramps. I texted my sister-in-law and after a while of talking she advised me to go to the ER to be checked out for a possible miscarriage. I knew that the miscarriage was possible ever since i had woke up that morning. it made me sick to think about. I woke my dad up and told him and of course he freaked out like and father should but i made him stay at my Memas house. and i made him promise not to tell her because i did not want her worried up all night over me. there is nothing to worry about. whatever happens is what God wants. there's no need for people to lose sleep or stress out.
After meeting up with Joey at the hospital they took some blood and we waited for 3 hours for them to run some more tests. But they never ran the tests because they had their answer. I did have a mis carriage which was no big deal to them since i was "only 5 or 6 weeks pregnant." we left the hospital and i cried and cried and cried. i acted ok around everyone else. i guess that's just how Ive always been. I started reading a bible plan on faith. and i decided i wouldn't dwell on my loss but i would use it to glorify God's name. Everything does happen for a reason. and maybe my miscarriage happened to bring me closer to God or to test my faith. But i know whatever the reason, if i didn't have my faith i wouldn't be ok.
The tattoo on my arm says "By faith in Christ you are in direct relationship with God. Galatians 3:26."
Just this past year seems like it has been the hardest time of my life. But i know for a fact i would still be stuck feeling so sorry for myself if it wasn't for God.
I was up for hours laying in bed tonight thinking "why me?" when i should have been saying "thank you" because someday things will work out. not in my time. but in his time. and he has blessed me even through the hard times.
In regards to the title, A copaface is a mask. this is me taking my mask off. Thank you for reading <3
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